Ready or Not, Here I Go

I have 2012 down on paper. Laying out everything I want to accomplish from school, to fitness, home, personal and spiritual helps me feel like things are much more attainable than they seem.  Seeing things in small attainable goals that build into bigger accomplishments lessens my stress significantly.

January will bring a renewed commitment to weight loss and fitness, a return to college and hopefully 20/20 vision thanks to Lasik.  With some deep breathing I believe I'll be fine. Ready, Set, Go....

January Goals

1. Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred 3x week
2. Running 3x week
3. Track my nutrition
4. Loose 6 lbs
5. Kill it in School
6. Stay on Budget
7. Daily Scriptures with Family
8. Bi-Weekly Family Night

Feeling Lost Right Now

I'm at my 1 year anniversary of my official journey to lose weight and get healthy and I'v been feeling so lost.  

I lost 18 pounds last Oct-Dec 2010 and then I focused on training for a RAGNAR race and maintained the weight loss.  The problem is, I gave myself permission to 'get lazy' over the summer.

 I thought it would be so easy to just jump right back in when the kids got back in school.  I did not realize it would feel like starting all over again.  I just can't seem to find my will power.  

Now I'm starting to freak out a bit because I have gained about 5 lbs since September and I Can NOT let this continue. 

I leave for Maui, Hawaii in one week and when I get back I plan to put it all out there again and start working hard.  I made a goal for myself last year to run a Half Marathon in 2012 and I will not let that goal go.  In fact I have to sign up while in Hawaii and my sister is doing it to, so that will help.  

My new goal weight will be 160.  I get excited just thinking about it!  I would love anyones support and advice!  Now I'm off to make a game plan so I can stick to it! 

New purpose?

I've been thinking about using this blog for more than just weight loss and fitness.  Sometimes I just have things on my mind that I want to write out and need a place to do it. A personal blog if you will, that doesn't really belong on our family blog. Not that I ever put anything over there anyway. :)


Barry and I have been working on our relationship...don't freak out...we've had a stressful few years and it was starting to affect us.  Neither of us liked the way we were acting and we've just decided to be proactive about it.   Anyway, all this 'Project: Happily Ever After" stuff (that's what I'm calling it) got me thinking about goal setting and planning and now I have this huge 2012 Goals list.


2012 Goals list has me a little intimidated but there was nothing I wanted to remove so now I'm working on breaking things down into monthly goals and sometimes weekly goals.  Yeah, I'm totally OCD like that.  Did I mention I have fitness training schedules for the whole next year and excel spreadsheets for household chores, tracking my weight, calorie counting, the families daily/weekly schedule etc, etc, etc.  I'm a little obsessive like that.  No, really it just helps me sort, process and organize my brain when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I only come back to these spreadsheets once a year.


So my point was......I may start sharing other things going on in my life on this blog. Spiritual Goals, Fitness Goals, Marriage tips that work for us, Books I'm reading, School stuff and anything else that's going on with me.  And maybe while I'm at it I'll actually update some photo's of the family over on my other blog.  But don't hold your breath. :)


Here's is this month Goals and Fitness Calendar should that interest you.  I love when other people share this type of stuff, it's a little glimpse into there lives and I may have a innocent tendency to be voyeuristic, but my grandma always told me it was just people watching. ;)

Just Popping in to Say

I Ran Today!

and it sucked!

I knew it would. Hello? Haven't run since July!

How did that happen?

Funny thing is, as much as it sucked, if I forced myself to remember what that would have felt like 1 year ago than today's run was easy in comparison.

Which blows me away.

2.1 miles done, with lots of walking brakes but no stopping and no whining.

YOU

You are not your bra size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red-dress. You are not the amalgam of these things.

You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts that you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.

2111 Challenge

This week I will do the following along with my normal workout routines-

1 Week:
10 Miles
100 Burpees
1000 Push Ups
1000 Ab Moves


I'm pretty sure it's going to kill me or render me useless but I'm gonna do it just Because I Can!

Finally

The Mister got up with my little guy at 6:30 this morning and let me sleep until 9.  He’s awesome like that.  I have been so exhausted the last few days. I think I’m fighting off whatever bug the kids all had last week.

When I got out of bed I was just feeling light. I walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror and it seems my stomach is flatter too.  Strange considering I felt huge Wednesday and decided to forgo my typical  weigh in.  

So I jump on the scale…..

179.8!!!

I screamed, jumped off and back on again just to be sure. Yep 179.8!  

I haven’t see the 170’s in about 3 years! In fact I’ve been stuck at 181-184 since January.

I know it’s bearly even there and I’m going to have to bust my butt to keep it going down, but just seeing that number has me so happy I can’t even describe it for you!

Monday I’m starting the 2111 Challenge (I'll write about that in a minute) combine with my regular workouts and I may in fact die if I see 177 which is my goal of 2lbs for the week.  We shall see!

Pretty much nothing could ruin my day now!

“Being fearless means busting down those walls of fear and being who you are, not who someone else thinks you are. People like to put others in a box and tell them what they can and cannot do or who they can and cannot be. No one can tell you who you are and what you are made of, only you yourself know what you are made of, and only you yourself can do the work to become who you want to be.”

— Mariska Hargitay

“Challenge, change, growth. Switching gears, changing things up, moving in an different direction, that is how life should be lived and where we will find ourselves.”

July Goals

I still need to write about the Ragnar race but not tonight... I will say this, I have never spent 2 whole days in such a state of emotion.  I was not prepared for the emotional roller coaster that race would bring and it continued on into this last week.  I have been exhausted and not accomplished much since.  Hoping to pull myself out of it and start kicking some butt this week.

A lot of my goals this month involve 'going back to the basics.'

Goals for July 2011

1. Start using MyFitnessPal to count calories again.
2. No Soda
3. Cardio 6 days a week
4. Weight training 3 days a week
5. Run twice a week
6. Loose 7 pounds
7. Read 1 Book
8. Get outside more! Park, hikes, walks, work in the yard, play catch, ride bikes, go swimming...

Anyone have a least favorite body part?

My first reply to this question would be my stomach.

Growing up I always had a very flat stomach. And friends would comment on it constantly, wishing their own could be as flat. After 4 kids…it is stretched to hell. To Hell I Tell You! I used to work for a plastic surgeon who said my stretch marks are so wide (some are a full 2”) it is impossible to regain the elasticity back with that kind if skin damage. I have a lot of fat to loose there first but a tummy tuck is the only way to repair it. And as much as that bothers me, it has become less of an issue for me as my children grow older. I would do anything for my kids and if you asked me now to destroy my flat stomach for them, I wouldn’t hesitate.

So body part number 2? My calves. They are huge! I’ve never had thin legs, I’m short 5’4”, and long thin legs just aren’t in the cards for me. However I’d love to have very defined muscular legs. My calves I feel are just disproportionately large.

Today I was doing some weights with 2 friends of mine. When Julie says to me “Wow! Look at your calf muscles! That is incredible, I want calves like that!”.

I was dumbfounded. What? Me? My legs? Who are you talking to? Don’t you mean Jana? You know Jana, 5’10”-long-skinny legged-muscle toned-marathon running-Jana?

She laughed and said “no, I’ll never look like Jana, I’m not built that way, but if I could have your calves I’d take em!”

My head is still trying to process this I’ve been standing in front of the mirror flexing and posing and…

I Just Can’t See It!

I wish I could. It takes the mind so much longer to catch up to the progress our bodies are able to achieve.

But you know what? I pulled out my shorts I haven’t worn in 3 years and by damn I’m wearing them! Because someone said my calves look good and I’m choosing to believe her!

Chill!

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

—	Gail Dever

Last Night on The Mountain

I haven’t run in 10 days.  On my last run I pulled a groin/quad muscle and wanted to let it heal. 3 days turned into 10. 

Crap.

Last night we were at my Brother-In-Laws house eating enchilada’s when my Sister-In-Law called. She wanted me to go running with her. This is very unexpected. Our relationship hasn’t been the best for about 2 years. Before that, since the day I was married, we were very close. It’s one of those uncomplicated, complicated kind of things. (which makes no sense, i know) So I’m hesitant.

But I NEED to run.

She starts explaining how she wants to go run the Power Line Trail at the base of Ben Lomond Peak.  This is about 1.5 miles above our houses. Approximatly 70* straight up the freaking mountain.  I am nervous. No. I am afraid.

We decide to drive up the first mile and start from there.  I thought my heart and lungs were going to explode at the top of that first .5 mile.  From there it turns east and follows the base of the mountain which is a cove shape.  Down 100 feet, up 100 feet, down 100 feet, up 200 feet. Over and over and over again.  My legs where on fire!

We stopped at a high point to catch our breath, the GPS said 1.27 miles. It lies. We laughed at how impossible that must be. And we were off again. We are flying down the trail, jumping over rocks, dodging mud, straddling the water that had decided to make this trail it’s new path and doing our best not to fall flat on our faces.

All the while we are talking and laughing. And I have several thoughts…

1. I can run and talk at the same time.  I am freaking amazing.
2. It is so great to talk to my friend again. I have missed her.
3. Oh shit, I have to go back up this hill I am flying down.

Then suddenly we realize how dark it is getting. At 1.75 miles we turn around and do our best to Haul Ass back up the hill in the dark, thick with trees, on a mud covered mountain trail.  We didn’t make great time. Lesson learned, bring headlamp!

There was no more talking, just running and breathing and trying to see through the dark with my watering eyes.  There is a huge breathtaking mountain on my right, and to my left are twinkling city lights and the last bits of orange sun settling over a gorgeous reflective lake and behind the distant mountains.

My head is clear, so clear.

I hear the river, the wind in the trees, the sound of our feet hitting the trail, below the faint sound of children laughing on a beautiful summer night. My heavy legs and heaving chest are hardly noticeable to my conscience.

At one point I yell to Natalie to ‘Shut the Hell Up’ as she yells ‘Last Hill’ for the 5th time. And then we actually reach the top of the last hill and stop to catch our breath before the last half mile of straight down.

It is euphoric to be so high above the city at night, surrounded by trees, stars and the dark night sky. Our houses, husbands, children, jobs, and stresses are somewhere a mile below us  but right now we can’t even see the car.  I am tired but I want to stay in this moment longer.

Sometimes, a lot of times, running sucks. The hard work, heat, injury, long and short miles, time, sacrifice, and mental challenge suck. 

But then unexpectedly the payoff is huge and running Is Incredible.

Practically Indescribable.

Life began to make sense.

A Realtionship started to heal.

My heart was full .

I realized how full of frustration I have been over not being able to lose one single pound in the last 5 months. My mind was so set on this one goal, the only goal that meant anything or so I told myself. I didn’t allow myself to see all that I had accomplished. 

Look at what my body just did! 

I just ran across a mountain! A Freaking Mountain! Last year I would have barely walked that trail.

Don’t miss the Journey.

Be Patient with Yourself.

Allow yourself to Celebrate and Feel Your Victories.

My next run might suck again and that’s OK.

Next week when I am climbing 7.4 miles up a mountain in the mud and 8 hours later 4.2 miles through a small town in the dead of night and 8 hours later 3 miles in the heat of the hills outside Park City I will remember this run.  I will want to stop, I  might cry, I’ll probably hurt and I guarantee I will swear like a trucker but I will do it.

Because I Can.

Weigh In #26

Sweet Jahosaphat!  I am a happy girl!

Starting weight 201.2
Last Week 182
Today 180.6!!!

I am ecstatic to see this number, in fact their may have been squeals of delight.
My running might not be going so well but at least my weight is going in the right direction!

Monday is a run day

So I ran.

2.25 miles, same pace as always 12:-12:20.  My right shin is feeling almost 100%.  The left shin has very little muscle pain but my bone and ankle are at about 65%. Sore for sure but not pain.  After I run my leg is very week for about an hour but as long as I ice, massage and rest it recovers well.

I knew before I started that I had not drank enough water yesterday or today and  man did I feel it.  I had to push hard to keep my pace up and I seriously stopped and grabbed a handful of snow to eat.  I was so grateful for that snow!  However, now I hate it again. I'm moody like that.

It took me 2 hours until I finally went downstairs and did my weight circuit.  I'm happy to say I actually got all 3 sets done in 40 minutes.  Now that I know the exercises I'm able to just do it and not think much.

I'm feeling great with both workouts in and eating is good today.

Simplify!

I didn't get my run in today. There was rain, snow, onset of a head cold, 9 children in my house all day long. Take your pick, one of those excuses reasons will cover it.  I'm not feeling too bad about it because I spent the day icing and massaging the legs. However, I should have done something else, for that I have no excuses.

I weighed in this morning at 182. I'm happy with this number because it means I'm getting my eating back in control. I have bounced from 181.6 to 183.6 for 2 months now.  Mostly on the 183 end, so I'm pleased to see something a little lower since I have been making bigger efforts to bring my eating back under discipline.

I just spent some time going over my eating and training logs. If your not keeping these kind of logs than start today.  I have used them to look back on many times now and it has help me a lot.  Today it help me realize several things.

First I lost 15 pounds in 2 months last fall and I CAN do it again. I have no memory of it being hard or miserable. I will do it again.

Second I made it simple back then.  I ate the same lunch for a week at a time and then switched it up the next week. Breakfast was 1 or 2 options. I cut out soda and drank lots of water.  Dinner was the same as what the family was having just with portion control.

Third my workouts were either running or doing a Jillian Michaels DVD and a little bit of weight training. I wasn't stressing out about working out for at least 90 minutes, reaching a certain calorie burn or running long distances.  I just got out there for the time I could and gave it all I had.

What I learned tonight was to Simplify!  


So I'll be bringing back Jillian 2-3 days a week.  I'll be running at my pace {even if it seems so slow}.  I'll be planning easier {read boring but healthy} meals.  And I won't be wearing my BodyBugg for a while.

I feel like I've taking a load of stress off my own back too.  It's amazing how I can stress myself out and not even realize I'm doing it.  I have to remind myself that I'm not in a race with anyone else.  If something works for others, that's great, but I don't have to do it too. I'm not doing this to prove myself to anyone. This is not a competition. I'm doing this for my own happiness, health and sanity. And I need to do it the way that works for me.

April Goals

I'm a bit late in posting these but it helps keep me accountable by coming back and posting what I actually accomplished. Some of these are personal and I won't expound on them but I will list them all.

Eating

1. No Soda
2. 3 liters of water daily
3. Make a huge effort to eat 4 proteins, 3 veggies, 2 fruits and 2 whole grains daily.
4. Track my calories daily on MyFitnessPal

Training

1. Run 3x/week
2. Strength Train 3x/week. {currently following Jackie Warner's full body circuit routines}
3. Cross Train 2x/week.  {bike, elliptical, video, walk...just something}

Personal

1. Attend Temple Once
2. Daily Scriptures and Prayer
3. Read 1 Book
4. Stay within Budget

Strong with no question mark.

“Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?’” 
- Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner

An article to share

I know I share a lot of CJane posts but I just can't help it, she is so great.

Weight Doesn't Matter is actually a guest post but I thought it was great too!  I get really tired of hearing all the obesity statistics myself. Not to say they are totally wrong but they are definitely twisted by the media to sell skinny as the only way.

The weigh in wednesday that wasn't

I was supposed to weigh in today, I just realized I forgot. I never weigh in the middle of the day so maybe tomorrow. {Can you tell I'm not real confident about the number I'm going to see?}

I started doing Jackie Warner's Circuit training from her book.

Well...sort of.  I'm a little confused.

She says it should take you 30 minutes to go through the weight lifting circuit 3 times. Monday I made it through once in 25 minutes so today I put it into hyper drive and made it through twice in 42 minutes. ???  I've gotta have Barry read the instructions for me because I must be missing something.

I'd rather not think that I'm just THAT out of shape.

It's a great workout regardless.

As I  got in the car to take Sara to preschool I noticed our Kelty backpack/baby carrier hanging in the garage and decided to put Jake in it and go for a walk.

It took me about 30 minutes to clean the dust off of it {tells you how much we've used it}.  Jake was not at all happy about me putting him in it and buckling him up, but as soon as I went outside he settled down.

We have a lot of neighborhood trails that weave through the homes and a lot of mountain trails within 2 blocks of my house so I just wandered around the trails and ended up with 1.6 miles. I wore my new shoes to loosen them up a bit.

We had 4 sets of these babies.

Looking down into the valley.

  Looking up toward the Canyon I was suppose to run last week. I'm still not very happy about this. :(  Hopefully in 2 weeks my legs will be happy enough to let me do it.

As soon as we left the neighborhood and all the fun barking dogs {don't get me started on how much I dislike barking, fence attacking, roaming dogs} Jake decided to take a snooze.

Good workout Buddy!

New Shoes!

They came! Its not very excited to get new shoes that look exactly like your old ones. I'm just saying.
However it is excited to know they should fix the pain your experiencing!

I took them for a little 'break in' run on the treadmill for 2 miles. I ended up walking the last half mile, due to  my shins screaming at me.  The shoes felt great and it was actually surprising how much I could immediately tell the difference in cushioning and support.

I came home and watched Biggest Looser while I iced the shins.  I can't believe Courtney had to go home!!! So sad! I Love Her, she is Incredible! If the whole world had her happy attitude it would truly be an amazing place!

Oy

My shins are very angry today.

The End.

Where has my confidence gone?

I went for a short run on Thursday and decided to wear my Nike cross trainers with the thought that they are newer so at least they have more support.  Bad idea.  1.8 miles and 2 screaming shins later I had 2 small blisters and my feet ached the rest of the day.

Lesson Learned.

Today I put on the old running shoes and decided to do 2 miles on the trail. It was a mental battle the whole way. My shins hurt but were not painful. I had not drank enough this morning.  It was warmer than I thought. I was hungry.  I was fearful of the pain that might show up any minute in my shins.

Run, run, run, waaaaalllllk.  Run, run, walk, run, walk. Run for crying out loud. I do not like mentally challenging runs. I do believe I rather run through the pain.  At my turn around point my confidence kicked in and I decided to go further.  When I finally did turn around I was happy to have no more pain than I started with.

3.1 Miles in 38 minutes.  I'm really happy with this time considering I felt like I was running a 15 minute mile not a 12 minute mile.  My shins are still sore, tight really.  I'll be inflicting some deep tissue massage, otherwise known as torture, later today.

Now I'm off to make another birthday cake, watch conference and BBQ and then to a movie for Jena's birthday!

My new shoes come Tuesday! Holla!

Back to basics

This mornings breakfast

1 Cup Oatmeal

1/4 cup Vanilla Yogurt

1 Apple Cut up and cooked

Lots of Cinnamon

Turns out I'm pretty smart

Who knew?

I ran into library to get Jena a few books on Monday and on a whim I picked up Jackie Warner's book, 'This is why you're fat (and how to get thin forever)'. The title is harsh but I had read good reviews that it was a very common sense guide to weight loss, so I though what the heck.

She breaks in down into 4 parts. I'm only half way through part 2 and so far I'm impressed.

Part 1-'This is why you're fat' is all science, therefore I had to read slowly as to 'get' it all. :)  She talks about 3 major things, first balancing our hormones is key and we can do it simply by cutting out over processed foods and adding in simple super foods. Second, sugar is killing us. America is so stuck thinking Fat free is the answer and then we eat sugar in everything. Sugar is addicting and it messes up your hormones. Third, we must detox our liver, Thyroid and Adrenal glands so that they can work properly.

I was worried at this point, wondering what crazy detox diet was coming even though everything she says makes perfect sense and is all backed by science.

Part 2- 'This is how you eat to get hot and healthy' {I think her titles a bit dramatic don't ya think?}  I'm only 1 chapter in here but she starts off telling you to add in certain foods for 2 weeks.  She doesn't want you to change the way you eat, only add foods.  The goal being to build up key nutrients in your body to help balance hormones and flush our organs.

 You should eat the following foods each day:

• 2 Eggs - not just egg whites! The whole egg. With Yolks and all their supposed fattening glory.
• 1 cup Oatmeal - Add fruit, cinnamon, yogurt, just not sugar.  I happen to love that she is completely happy with plain old oatmeal. {I hate when people recommend things like Steel Cut Oats that are ridiculously expensive.}
• 2-3 cups Fresh Vegetables - Try hard to make them fresh, if not frozen is better than canned.  She lists about 20 but they are pretty common, normal veggies, nothing weird.
• 2 cups Fresh Fruit - Again, all the normal stuff, fresh or frozen, not dried.
• 2-3 Liters of Water with Lemon - I had to convert this to ounces or cups, I just don't think in Liters. So that is 8-12 cups or 64-96 ounces. The lemon is a bile thinner which aids in processing fat. The Lemon also helps curb hunger.
• 8 oz Whey Protein Shake - apparently whey is a great detoxifier, natural fat burner, improves insulin levels, stimulates antioxidant production and is chock full of amino acids.  After learning all that I was more on board but this could take me a while to implement. She recommends just drinking it with water or adding it to a green smoothie.
• Herbal Teas - I don't drink them so I'm not even gonna go into it.
• She also lists wants you to take a few common supplements.

As I was reading this it occurred to me that this was pretty much exactly {minus the whey protein} how I started eating back in October when I started loosing weight. Who knew? I could have written a book and made millions!   

So far I'm completely on board.  It will be pretty easy for me to eat all of these foods without feeling like I'm on some radical diet. Cause I don't do diet.  The Whey Protein I'll try to add in a few weeks but I'm not gonna run out and buy it right now.

I'll have to share more of the book as I read it but so far I'm enjoying it and it is a pretty common sense approach, which I like.

I'm going to go for a run tomorrow in my cross trainers that actually have some cushioning left in them and I have high hopes that my shins won't hurt as bad! I've given them 7 entire days of no running. My knew shoes won't get here until Tuesday and I just can't wait that long to run!  

Send happy shin thoughts  my way!

I'm a lucky girl

Recently I received a very kind note and gift from an unidentified friend.  They said some very kind and motivation things, made me cry and realize how blessed I am. Whoever you are {and I have a few guesses}, Thank You just does not express what I feel for you, but it's all I have to give. My Thanks and my commitment to keep going on this weight loss journey.  

I have definitely been discouraged lately.  I've been trying to dig down deep and find that drive that I had in the fall and it's a little embarrassing to admit but the thought of 'Why? Know one has even noticed anyway' has crossed my mind several  times.  It shouldn't matter right? This is for me, my health, my body image. But it sure helps to know that someone has been inspired to start taking care of themselves too. It helps to have people tell you they see a difference, however small it may be.  I don't expect people to fawn over me or tell me I look fantastic because I'm not even close and it would make me uncomfortable anyway. It's the little encouraging comments on my blog or in real life that keep me remembering that it's worth it.

So whoever you are, you are an Angel, an answer to prayers and I am truly blessed to have you in my life!

I am a Lucky Girl!

I blame the children

I can't believe I'm going to share this but it makes me SO made I just have to do it.

I had a short run planned for today. A quick 2 miles that I decided last minute to make all downhill. I had Barry drive me up to the top of the subdivisions until we hit dirt road, which turned out to be exactly 2 miles. It started off fine, I was expecting shin pain and it came but when I hit about a 1/2 mile I had to pee.  Nothing horrible but I noticed right off that the running downhill was exaggerating it quite a bit.

Continue running and my worst fear comes to life. I am peeing my pants a little bit at a time.  I'm in the middle of a suburbia so I can't just run off the trail and pee because believe me, I would have!  Down, down, down I go and I'm now 2 blocks from home on the steepest incline. I stop and walk 20 feet but that makes my shins hurt worse.

Now I'm just plain pissed off at my body. Screw you body, I'm running!  And you know what my body said to me? Screw you, I am going to pee!  I walked the last 3 houses looking just like a 2 year old with wet pants to my knees.  It was awesome.

I was so mad I didn't even care what my neighbors thought, even though I didn't see anyone.  This is what having 4 kids does to you!  Stupid Piece of Crap Bladder!  I see some surgery in my future.

2 miles down in 19 minutes and wet pants! GRRRRRR!!!

*****
A few hours later I did my Upper Body Weights, my favorite. I upped several of my sets which made it extra fun.  The Mister was pretty impressed that I did 20 lb Bicep Curls, I was pretty impressed too! :)

Then he showed me how to do Dead lifts. The posture is really awkward to get the hang of but I finally got it down. I believe I lifted 135 lbs. Lower Body is Saturday and I'm going to have him do a full workout with me. That should be fun....or painful!  Maybe I'll take a picture if I can actually lift my body weight.

Day 155

Yep, that's how long since I put my foot down and said, screw being fat! For real, it just had to get pissed off enough about it.  And then I lost 20 lbs and I wasn't angry anymore.

Did you know that anger can lead to good things?

It's true.

And you know what happened when I stopped being angry with myself?

I gained 3 pounds back.

It took me 2 months but at that rate we are talking 12 lbs a year and that's not really ok with me.
But heres the thing, I'm not really in that angry place anymore so I had to find something else. I searched and searched and then I went running last Saturday morning.

Somewhere in that 4 miles and through the shin pain I realized how happy I was. Not in general. Not my life is so great kind of happy. {ha! yeeeaaahhhhhhh, let me tell ya about my 'life' lately. sigh.....}

Just happy to be out running.  With Shin Pain. Happy that I could.

And that thought brought me back to the beginning.  My sister had sent out an email about running a race together and somewhere in it she said  'Because I Can'.

And suddenly it all made sense again.

*****

Today's Workout

Ran the canal road today. Ryan and his friend rode bikes along with me. 2.6 miles out and back. Shins screaming at me the whole second half. I've got to get some new shoes, it's crazzzzy to me that I have actually worn out these running shoes.

I had Barry's voice in my head the whole time, 'you don't really push yourself' which is his way of saying I don't really believe in myself. It's true. I give up too quickly. So today I only took 30 second walking breaks instead of 2 minutes.  Victory for the day!

Came home to the other 3 kids and a sleeping husband and re-established order in the house. ;) Then did this Leg Blaster workout for 25 minutes.  It's much harder with a 1 year old at your feet demanding your attention.

He's just going to have to learn that a healthy and fit mommy is a happy mommy!

Today

It occurs to me that I may be a bit fickle.

I have no defense.

Blogging my journey to weight loss and fitness has been very helpful to me.  I started out on Tumblr and at the time, it was just what I needed. However I have found myself less and less involved in the community there for many reason which I won't go into right now.  And so, I find myself here.

I'm feeling the need to 'go it alone', if that even makes any sense.  I did really great in the beginning. 20 pounds gone kind of great.  And then, somehow I lost my way.  Yes, life was thrown at me pretty hard, but their was more to it.

It doesn't matter really.

I have re-evaluated, set a new plan, dug down deep and pulled the motivation back to the top.

Today  was a new day.

Today, I re-committed to myself.

And today was good.