Progress

I don't blog anymore but I've been wanting to get together some progress photos for myself for a while and once I did it, I was pretty darn proud. I also posted a bit of a rant on Facebook awhile back after getting really annoyed with people wanting to know what 'magic potion' I was taking and had an old friend ask to see pictures.

Facebook Post:
I've lost enough weight (32lbs with another 25 to go) now that people are starting to comment on it, Thank you! However the next comment is alway along the lines of "what's your secret?" It drives me crazy, there is no supplement, or diet or magical workout. Eat fresh food and less crap. Say goodbye to the soda and hello to water, lots of water. Lift a lot of weights and make sure they are heavy. Don't leave the gym until you are soaking wet and you smell. When you're so sore you can't walk down the stairs, then you're doing something right. I call it literally working my ass off. That's my secret.

 Not sure I'd like them on Facebook but I'll share them here.

October 2010.

I was about to turn 32 and my 4th (and last) baby was 10 months old. Funny thing is I remember thinking I didn't think I was that big I just wanted to be healthier and more active. 

I was 204 lbs.

Yikes.

January 2011, Down 20 pounds, about 184. I did Jillian Michaels DVDs and the elliptical for 3 months and then started Couch to 10K in January.

Ragnar June 2011

I lost 5 more pounds down to 180 but losing weight when learning to run was very hard for me. Honestly I felt very skinny here but still struggled with emotional eating.

A ran about a 13 min mile here.

August 2011

178 pounds

Quit working out about this time.

Top pix are August 2011

Bottom pix are November 2011 in Hawaii

I had gained about 7 pounds back to 185.

Summer 2012

In 2012 I went back to college, worked out sporadically, ate well off and on.

We had family pictures taken in July and they are the first pictures I have ever had printed and felt I looked ok. I attribute that to the confidence I found in exercise.

October 2012

By my 34th birthday I had gained another 9 pounds back to 194. In my second semester of school I had an epiphany about how much I could actually accomplish when I put my mind to it. I had 4 kids and I was going to school full time and pulling a 3.7 GPA. Suddenly I knew I could lose more weight and then instead of thinking I needed it, I suddenly really wanted it.

I spent December 2012 planning what I wanted and how I would get there. 

I wanted to learn to run, not jog and walk. RUN. 

I wanted to learn to swim. I wanted to be 145 pounds. I wanted to keep up with my kids.  

I wanted to be strong. Not skinny. Strong.  

I didn't even take pictures because it wasn't really my main focus.

So I started the Couch to 5K program over for the 3rd time and I signed up for a swim class.

That swim class was possibly one of the best things I've ever done for myself. It was hard. It kicked my but every time. It challenged me and left me wanted to more.  My instructor was awesome! 

And the weight started falling off. 

So did the emotion baggage and lack of confidence and the depression.

I had also signed up for a Biggest Loser Contest at my gym in January. It help hold me accountable but they didn't give you any directions, it was all up to me. My first weigh in the 3rd week of January was 194, my last weigh in the 2nd week of March was 174. 

My pants were literally falling down and I needed a new belt. 

That was fun.

In April I hit a plateau and couldn't get past 170. So I took a step back and gave myself a little test to see if I could maintain the weight for a month.  I ate more and let myself have treats but I still went to the gym 5-6 days a week and kept on my running plan. 

By May I was ready to pick it up again and lost a few more pounds down to 166.4.

As fun as the number on the scale is to see, I have discovered that it is much more fun to jump in the pool and swim laps for 45 mins and not feel like I'm going to die. Fun is heading out for a run and not stopping until mile 3 for a walk break and then realizing it was only my head that thought I needed to walk because my body is fine and so I walk 1 min and then RUN another 3 miles. Fun is seeing my blood pressure go from 130/90 to 105/60 and my heart rate from 75 to 55 bpm. Fun is now running a 10 to 10:30 min mile.

Fun is having my 11 year old son want to go running with me and him not be able to keep up. (Because I let him go with me in 2011 and he would literally lap me until I was in tears and wouldn't allow him to go with me anymore.)  Fun is having my kids look at these pictures and say "Wow Mom! You've lost a lot of weight. I don't even remember you being big like that."

I have lost 37 pounds and would like to lose another 22. I will never say it's not about the number, get real, it is about the number, it may not be the number I originally thought but the number counts. It's about the fit of your clothes and putting on a swimming suit without shame. It's about feeling like you want to participate in life instead of sitting on the couch under a blanket. It's about learning you are stronger than you thought you were, you can push yourself harder than you knew you could. 

I never though I'd be that person getting up early to run and planning my day around the gym because it's is that important to me. But I am.  It's as simple as this...I could sit around being fat and taking antidepressants that don't really fix anything or I can exercise every day, feel great and be skinny.  I'll take the later. Trust me, the pain of working out is way better than the emotion pain of being the fat girl.

I think I'll try to update this with new pictures as I reach my goals this year, which are... 

*Ragnar-Wasatch Back in June

*The Huntsville Half Marathon in September

*And my original goal set back in December is to be 145 by my 35th birthday in October

Now Get Out and Be Awesome!

Yes

Try Again

Something has clicked recently.

I really have no clue what it is or why but my desire to be healthy has fought it's way back to the surface.  I came across this quote a few weeks back and it resonates with me in so many aspects of my life.

I get the slightest bit overwhelmed in my life and I give up on everything all at once. I allow myself to be defeated. I defeat myself.   I find amazing strength in simply giving myself the permission to fail sometimes but also the permission not to pretend I am perfect at all. And by doing so I am giving myself the opportunity to be awesome at something else today.

Today I was awesome at...

• being calm with my kids
• exercising and eating well
• visiting a friend unexpectedly
• helping my sister with a quick project
• kissing my husband the minute he walked in
• giving my husband the night off to hang with his brother
• Doing the laundry

I failed at...

• Reading for my Nutrition class
• Controlling my temper in regards to things I have no control over...politics
• Forgetting to pick up my kids from school***extra mom fail points here***

And life goes on.

Learning balance in life is perhaps the hardest lesson there is.  I'm beginning to understand that it includes a lot of ignoring the world and listening to the quiet, steady whisperings of your heart, forgiving yourself and others for being human and letting the small, insignificant things be the big things.

A pedicure, hot bath and clean house would have been nice but watching my two year old fall asleep on the toilet this evening was enough to make my entire day worth it.

And so this is the attitude that I am trying to adopt with my desire to lose weight as well. Three pounds down last week felt like a great accomplishment and this week I will just keep taking it one day at a time, forgive myself and move on when needed and have the courage to try again tomorrow.

and kiss your husband!

Stoked

Yesterday my sister sent me an invite to FitnessPal.com.  I used that site faithfully for about 6 months and it was a huge part of my success in loosing weight.  I was pretty stoked (yes I just used the word stoked) that she was on it and that she was trying to get my Sister-in-laws to do it too.   I do so much better with a little support system.  It's helpful to have someone notice you didn't go to the gym all week.  A small quick message, encouragement or sarcastic comment really makes all the difference for me.
So lets do this girls!
Put down the potato chips!
Lets all be skinny...er by the time we see each other at Christmas!

And feel free to come be my friend if your on there, my profile is missiklee.

“Being fearless means busting down those walls of fear and being who you are, not who someone else thinks you are. People like to put others in a box and tell them what they can and cannot do or who they can and cannot be. No one can tell you who you are and what you are made of, only you yourself know what you are made of, and only you yourself can do the work to become who you want to be.”

— Mariska Hargitay

“Challenge, change, growth. Switching gears, changing things up, moving in an different direction, that is how life should be lived and where we will find ourselves.”

Chill!

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

—	Gail Dever

Last Night on The Mountain

I haven’t run in 10 days.  On my last run I pulled a groin/quad muscle and wanted to let it heal. 3 days turned into 10. 

Crap.

Last night we were at my Brother-In-Laws house eating enchilada’s when my Sister-In-Law called. She wanted me to go running with her. This is very unexpected. Our relationship hasn’t been the best for about 2 years. Before that, since the day I was married, we were very close. It’s one of those uncomplicated, complicated kind of things. (which makes no sense, i know) So I’m hesitant.

But I NEED to run.

She starts explaining how she wants to go run the Power Line Trail at the base of Ben Lomond Peak.  This is about 1.5 miles above our houses. Approximatly 70* straight up the freaking mountain.  I am nervous. No. I am afraid.

We decide to drive up the first mile and start from there.  I thought my heart and lungs were going to explode at the top of that first .5 mile.  From there it turns east and follows the base of the mountain which is a cove shape.  Down 100 feet, up 100 feet, down 100 feet, up 200 feet. Over and over and over again.  My legs where on fire!

We stopped at a high point to catch our breath, the GPS said 1.27 miles. It lies. We laughed at how impossible that must be. And we were off again. We are flying down the trail, jumping over rocks, dodging mud, straddling the water that had decided to make this trail it’s new path and doing our best not to fall flat on our faces.

All the while we are talking and laughing. And I have several thoughts…

1. I can run and talk at the same time.  I am freaking amazing.
2. It is so great to talk to my friend again. I have missed her.
3. Oh shit, I have to go back up this hill I am flying down.

Then suddenly we realize how dark it is getting. At 1.75 miles we turn around and do our best to Haul Ass back up the hill in the dark, thick with trees, on a mud covered mountain trail.  We didn’t make great time. Lesson learned, bring headlamp!

There was no more talking, just running and breathing and trying to see through the dark with my watering eyes.  There is a huge breathtaking mountain on my right, and to my left are twinkling city lights and the last bits of orange sun settling over a gorgeous reflective lake and behind the distant mountains.

My head is clear, so clear.

I hear the river, the wind in the trees, the sound of our feet hitting the trail, below the faint sound of children laughing on a beautiful summer night. My heavy legs and heaving chest are hardly noticeable to my conscience.

At one point I yell to Natalie to ‘Shut the Hell Up’ as she yells ‘Last Hill’ for the 5th time. And then we actually reach the top of the last hill and stop to catch our breath before the last half mile of straight down.

It is euphoric to be so high above the city at night, surrounded by trees, stars and the dark night sky. Our houses, husbands, children, jobs, and stresses are somewhere a mile below us  but right now we can’t even see the car.  I am tired but I want to stay in this moment longer.

Sometimes, a lot of times, running sucks. The hard work, heat, injury, long and short miles, time, sacrifice, and mental challenge suck. 

But then unexpectedly the payoff is huge and running Is Incredible.

Practically Indescribable.

Life began to make sense.

A Realtionship started to heal.

My heart was full .

I realized how full of frustration I have been over not being able to lose one single pound in the last 5 months. My mind was so set on this one goal, the only goal that meant anything or so I told myself. I didn’t allow myself to see all that I had accomplished. 

Look at what my body just did! 

I just ran across a mountain! A Freaking Mountain! Last year I would have barely walked that trail.

Don’t miss the Journey.

Be Patient with Yourself.

Allow yourself to Celebrate and Feel Your Victories.

My next run might suck again and that’s OK.

Next week when I am climbing 7.4 miles up a mountain in the mud and 8 hours later 4.2 miles through a small town in the dead of night and 8 hours later 3 miles in the heat of the hills outside Park City I will remember this run.  I will want to stop, I  might cry, I’ll probably hurt and I guarantee I will swear like a trucker but I will do it.

Because I Can.

Strong with no question mark.

“Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?’” 
- Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner