Progress

I don't blog anymore but I've been wanting to get together some progress photos for myself for a while and once I did it, I was pretty darn proud. I also posted a bit of a rant on Facebook awhile back after getting really annoyed with people wanting to know what 'magic potion' I was taking and had an old friend ask to see pictures.

Facebook Post:
I've lost enough weight (32lbs with another 25 to go) now that people are starting to comment on it, Thank you! However the next comment is alway along the lines of "what's your secret?" It drives me crazy, there is no supplement, or diet or magical workout. Eat fresh food and less crap. Say goodbye to the soda and hello to water, lots of water. Lift a lot of weights and make sure they are heavy. Don't leave the gym until you are soaking wet and you smell. When you're so sore you can't walk down the stairs, then you're doing something right. I call it literally working my ass off. That's my secret.

 Not sure I'd like them on Facebook but I'll share them here.

October 2010.

I was about to turn 32 and my 4th (and last) baby was 10 months old. Funny thing is I remember thinking I didn't think I was that big I just wanted to be healthier and more active. 

I was 204 lbs.

Yikes.

January 2011, Down 20 pounds, about 184. I did Jillian Michaels DVDs and the elliptical for 3 months and then started Couch to 10K in January.

Ragnar June 2011

I lost 5 more pounds down to 180 but losing weight when learning to run was very hard for me. Honestly I felt very skinny here but still struggled with emotional eating.

A ran about a 13 min mile here.

August 2011

178 pounds

Quit working out about this time.

Top pix are August 2011

Bottom pix are November 2011 in Hawaii

I had gained about 7 pounds back to 185.

Summer 2012

In 2012 I went back to college, worked out sporadically, ate well off and on.

We had family pictures taken in July and they are the first pictures I have ever had printed and felt I looked ok. I attribute that to the confidence I found in exercise.

October 2012

By my 34th birthday I had gained another 9 pounds back to 194. In my second semester of school I had an epiphany about how much I could actually accomplish when I put my mind to it. I had 4 kids and I was going to school full time and pulling a 3.7 GPA. Suddenly I knew I could lose more weight and then instead of thinking I needed it, I suddenly really wanted it.

I spent December 2012 planning what I wanted and how I would get there. 

I wanted to learn to run, not jog and walk. RUN. 

I wanted to learn to swim. I wanted to be 145 pounds. I wanted to keep up with my kids.  

I wanted to be strong. Not skinny. Strong.  

I didn't even take pictures because it wasn't really my main focus.

So I started the Couch to 5K program over for the 3rd time and I signed up for a swim class.

That swim class was possibly one of the best things I've ever done for myself. It was hard. It kicked my but every time. It challenged me and left me wanted to more.  My instructor was awesome! 

And the weight started falling off. 

So did the emotion baggage and lack of confidence and the depression.

I had also signed up for a Biggest Loser Contest at my gym in January. It help hold me accountable but they didn't give you any directions, it was all up to me. My first weigh in the 3rd week of January was 194, my last weigh in the 2nd week of March was 174. 

My pants were literally falling down and I needed a new belt. 

That was fun.

In April I hit a plateau and couldn't get past 170. So I took a step back and gave myself a little test to see if I could maintain the weight for a month.  I ate more and let myself have treats but I still went to the gym 5-6 days a week and kept on my running plan. 

By May I was ready to pick it up again and lost a few more pounds down to 166.4.

As fun as the number on the scale is to see, I have discovered that it is much more fun to jump in the pool and swim laps for 45 mins and not feel like I'm going to die. Fun is heading out for a run and not stopping until mile 3 for a walk break and then realizing it was only my head that thought I needed to walk because my body is fine and so I walk 1 min and then RUN another 3 miles. Fun is seeing my blood pressure go from 130/90 to 105/60 and my heart rate from 75 to 55 bpm. Fun is now running a 10 to 10:30 min mile.

Fun is having my 11 year old son want to go running with me and him not be able to keep up. (Because I let him go with me in 2011 and he would literally lap me until I was in tears and wouldn't allow him to go with me anymore.)  Fun is having my kids look at these pictures and say "Wow Mom! You've lost a lot of weight. I don't even remember you being big like that."

I have lost 37 pounds and would like to lose another 22. I will never say it's not about the number, get real, it is about the number, it may not be the number I originally thought but the number counts. It's about the fit of your clothes and putting on a swimming suit without shame. It's about feeling like you want to participate in life instead of sitting on the couch under a blanket. It's about learning you are stronger than you thought you were, you can push yourself harder than you knew you could. 

I never though I'd be that person getting up early to run and planning my day around the gym because it's is that important to me. But I am.  It's as simple as this...I could sit around being fat and taking antidepressants that don't really fix anything or I can exercise every day, feel great and be skinny.  I'll take the later. Trust me, the pain of working out is way better than the emotion pain of being the fat girl.

I think I'll try to update this with new pictures as I reach my goals this year, which are... 

*Ragnar-Wasatch Back in June

*The Huntsville Half Marathon in September

*And my original goal set back in December is to be 145 by my 35th birthday in October

Now Get Out and Be Awesome!

Just Popping in to Say

I Ran Today!

and it sucked!

I knew it would. Hello? Haven't run since July!

How did that happen?

Funny thing is, as much as it sucked, if I forced myself to remember what that would have felt like 1 year ago than today's run was easy in comparison.

Which blows me away.

2.1 miles done, with lots of walking brakes but no stopping and no whining.

Last Night on The Mountain

I haven’t run in 10 days.  On my last run I pulled a groin/quad muscle and wanted to let it heal. 3 days turned into 10. 

Crap.

Last night we were at my Brother-In-Laws house eating enchilada’s when my Sister-In-Law called. She wanted me to go running with her. This is very unexpected. Our relationship hasn’t been the best for about 2 years. Before that, since the day I was married, we were very close. It’s one of those uncomplicated, complicated kind of things. (which makes no sense, i know) So I’m hesitant.

But I NEED to run.

She starts explaining how she wants to go run the Power Line Trail at the base of Ben Lomond Peak.  This is about 1.5 miles above our houses. Approximatly 70* straight up the freaking mountain.  I am nervous. No. I am afraid.

We decide to drive up the first mile and start from there.  I thought my heart and lungs were going to explode at the top of that first .5 mile.  From there it turns east and follows the base of the mountain which is a cove shape.  Down 100 feet, up 100 feet, down 100 feet, up 200 feet. Over and over and over again.  My legs where on fire!

We stopped at a high point to catch our breath, the GPS said 1.27 miles. It lies. We laughed at how impossible that must be. And we were off again. We are flying down the trail, jumping over rocks, dodging mud, straddling the water that had decided to make this trail it’s new path and doing our best not to fall flat on our faces.

All the while we are talking and laughing. And I have several thoughts…

1. I can run and talk at the same time.  I am freaking amazing.
2. It is so great to talk to my friend again. I have missed her.
3. Oh shit, I have to go back up this hill I am flying down.

Then suddenly we realize how dark it is getting. At 1.75 miles we turn around and do our best to Haul Ass back up the hill in the dark, thick with trees, on a mud covered mountain trail.  We didn’t make great time. Lesson learned, bring headlamp!

There was no more talking, just running and breathing and trying to see through the dark with my watering eyes.  There is a huge breathtaking mountain on my right, and to my left are twinkling city lights and the last bits of orange sun settling over a gorgeous reflective lake and behind the distant mountains.

My head is clear, so clear.

I hear the river, the wind in the trees, the sound of our feet hitting the trail, below the faint sound of children laughing on a beautiful summer night. My heavy legs and heaving chest are hardly noticeable to my conscience.

At one point I yell to Natalie to ‘Shut the Hell Up’ as she yells ‘Last Hill’ for the 5th time. And then we actually reach the top of the last hill and stop to catch our breath before the last half mile of straight down.

It is euphoric to be so high above the city at night, surrounded by trees, stars and the dark night sky. Our houses, husbands, children, jobs, and stresses are somewhere a mile below us  but right now we can’t even see the car.  I am tired but I want to stay in this moment longer.

Sometimes, a lot of times, running sucks. The hard work, heat, injury, long and short miles, time, sacrifice, and mental challenge suck. 

But then unexpectedly the payoff is huge and running Is Incredible.

Practically Indescribable.

Life began to make sense.

A Realtionship started to heal.

My heart was full .

I realized how full of frustration I have been over not being able to lose one single pound in the last 5 months. My mind was so set on this one goal, the only goal that meant anything or so I told myself. I didn’t allow myself to see all that I had accomplished. 

Look at what my body just did! 

I just ran across a mountain! A Freaking Mountain! Last year I would have barely walked that trail.

Don’t miss the Journey.

Be Patient with Yourself.

Allow yourself to Celebrate and Feel Your Victories.

My next run might suck again and that’s OK.

Next week when I am climbing 7.4 miles up a mountain in the mud and 8 hours later 4.2 miles through a small town in the dead of night and 8 hours later 3 miles in the heat of the hills outside Park City I will remember this run.  I will want to stop, I  might cry, I’ll probably hurt and I guarantee I will swear like a trucker but I will do it.

Because I Can.

Monday is a run day

So I ran.

2.25 miles, same pace as always 12:-12:20.  My right shin is feeling almost 100%.  The left shin has very little muscle pain but my bone and ankle are at about 65%. Sore for sure but not pain.  After I run my leg is very week for about an hour but as long as I ice, massage and rest it recovers well.

I knew before I started that I had not drank enough water yesterday or today and  man did I feel it.  I had to push hard to keep my pace up and I seriously stopped and grabbed a handful of snow to eat.  I was so grateful for that snow!  However, now I hate it again. I'm moody like that.

It took me 2 hours until I finally went downstairs and did my weight circuit.  I'm happy to say I actually got all 3 sets done in 40 minutes.  Now that I know the exercises I'm able to just do it and not think much.

I'm feeling great with both workouts in and eating is good today.

Strong with no question mark.

“Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?’” 
- Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner

New Shoes!

They came! Its not very excited to get new shoes that look exactly like your old ones. I'm just saying.
However it is excited to know they should fix the pain your experiencing!

I took them for a little 'break in' run on the treadmill for 2 miles. I ended up walking the last half mile, due to  my shins screaming at me.  The shoes felt great and it was actually surprising how much I could immediately tell the difference in cushioning and support.

I came home and watched Biggest Looser while I iced the shins.  I can't believe Courtney had to go home!!! So sad! I Love Her, she is Incredible! If the whole world had her happy attitude it would truly be an amazing place!

Where has my confidence gone?

I went for a short run on Thursday and decided to wear my Nike cross trainers with the thought that they are newer so at least they have more support.  Bad idea.  1.8 miles and 2 screaming shins later I had 2 small blisters and my feet ached the rest of the day.

Lesson Learned.

Today I put on the old running shoes and decided to do 2 miles on the trail. It was a mental battle the whole way. My shins hurt but were not painful. I had not drank enough this morning.  It was warmer than I thought. I was hungry.  I was fearful of the pain that might show up any minute in my shins.

Run, run, run, waaaaalllllk.  Run, run, walk, run, walk. Run for crying out loud. I do not like mentally challenging runs. I do believe I rather run through the pain.  At my turn around point my confidence kicked in and I decided to go further.  When I finally did turn around I was happy to have no more pain than I started with.

3.1 Miles in 38 minutes.  I'm really happy with this time considering I felt like I was running a 15 minute mile not a 12 minute mile.  My shins are still sore, tight really.  I'll be inflicting some deep tissue massage, otherwise known as torture, later today.

Now I'm off to make another birthday cake, watch conference and BBQ and then to a movie for Jena's birthday!

My new shoes come Tuesday! Holla!

Turns out I'm pretty smart

Who knew?

I ran into library to get Jena a few books on Monday and on a whim I picked up Jackie Warner's book, 'This is why you're fat (and how to get thin forever)'. The title is harsh but I had read good reviews that it was a very common sense guide to weight loss, so I though what the heck.

She breaks in down into 4 parts. I'm only half way through part 2 and so far I'm impressed.

Part 1-'This is why you're fat' is all science, therefore I had to read slowly as to 'get' it all. :)  She talks about 3 major things, first balancing our hormones is key and we can do it simply by cutting out over processed foods and adding in simple super foods. Second, sugar is killing us. America is so stuck thinking Fat free is the answer and then we eat sugar in everything. Sugar is addicting and it messes up your hormones. Third, we must detox our liver, Thyroid and Adrenal glands so that they can work properly.

I was worried at this point, wondering what crazy detox diet was coming even though everything she says makes perfect sense and is all backed by science.

Part 2- 'This is how you eat to get hot and healthy' {I think her titles a bit dramatic don't ya think?}  I'm only 1 chapter in here but she starts off telling you to add in certain foods for 2 weeks.  She doesn't want you to change the way you eat, only add foods.  The goal being to build up key nutrients in your body to help balance hormones and flush our organs.

 You should eat the following foods each day:

• 2 Eggs - not just egg whites! The whole egg. With Yolks and all their supposed fattening glory.
• 1 cup Oatmeal - Add fruit, cinnamon, yogurt, just not sugar.  I happen to love that she is completely happy with plain old oatmeal. {I hate when people recommend things like Steel Cut Oats that are ridiculously expensive.}
• 2-3 cups Fresh Vegetables - Try hard to make them fresh, if not frozen is better than canned.  She lists about 20 but they are pretty common, normal veggies, nothing weird.
• 2 cups Fresh Fruit - Again, all the normal stuff, fresh or frozen, not dried.
• 2-3 Liters of Water with Lemon - I had to convert this to ounces or cups, I just don't think in Liters. So that is 8-12 cups or 64-96 ounces. The lemon is a bile thinner which aids in processing fat. The Lemon also helps curb hunger.
• 8 oz Whey Protein Shake - apparently whey is a great detoxifier, natural fat burner, improves insulin levels, stimulates antioxidant production and is chock full of amino acids.  After learning all that I was more on board but this could take me a while to implement. She recommends just drinking it with water or adding it to a green smoothie.
• Herbal Teas - I don't drink them so I'm not even gonna go into it.
• She also lists wants you to take a few common supplements.

As I was reading this it occurred to me that this was pretty much exactly {minus the whey protein} how I started eating back in October when I started loosing weight. Who knew? I could have written a book and made millions!   

So far I'm completely on board.  It will be pretty easy for me to eat all of these foods without feeling like I'm on some radical diet. Cause I don't do diet.  The Whey Protein I'll try to add in a few weeks but I'm not gonna run out and buy it right now.

I'll have to share more of the book as I read it but so far I'm enjoying it and it is a pretty common sense approach, which I like.

I'm going to go for a run tomorrow in my cross trainers that actually have some cushioning left in them and I have high hopes that my shins won't hurt as bad! I've given them 7 entire days of no running. My knew shoes won't get here until Tuesday and I just can't wait that long to run!  

Send happy shin thoughts  my way!

I blame the children

I can't believe I'm going to share this but it makes me SO made I just have to do it.

I had a short run planned for today. A quick 2 miles that I decided last minute to make all downhill. I had Barry drive me up to the top of the subdivisions until we hit dirt road, which turned out to be exactly 2 miles. It started off fine, I was expecting shin pain and it came but when I hit about a 1/2 mile I had to pee.  Nothing horrible but I noticed right off that the running downhill was exaggerating it quite a bit.

Continue running and my worst fear comes to life. I am peeing my pants a little bit at a time.  I'm in the middle of a suburbia so I can't just run off the trail and pee because believe me, I would have!  Down, down, down I go and I'm now 2 blocks from home on the steepest incline. I stop and walk 20 feet but that makes my shins hurt worse.

Now I'm just plain pissed off at my body. Screw you body, I'm running!  And you know what my body said to me? Screw you, I am going to pee!  I walked the last 3 houses looking just like a 2 year old with wet pants to my knees.  It was awesome.

I was so mad I didn't even care what my neighbors thought, even though I didn't see anyone.  This is what having 4 kids does to you!  Stupid Piece of Crap Bladder!  I see some surgery in my future.

2 miles down in 19 minutes and wet pants! GRRRRRR!!!

*****
A few hours later I did my Upper Body Weights, my favorite. I upped several of my sets which made it extra fun.  The Mister was pretty impressed that I did 20 lb Bicep Curls, I was pretty impressed too! :)

Then he showed me how to do Dead lifts. The posture is really awkward to get the hang of but I finally got it down. I believe I lifted 135 lbs. Lower Body is Saturday and I'm going to have him do a full workout with me. That should be fun....or painful!  Maybe I'll take a picture if I can actually lift my body weight.

Day 155

Yep, that's how long since I put my foot down and said, screw being fat! For real, it just had to get pissed off enough about it.  And then I lost 20 lbs and I wasn't angry anymore.

Did you know that anger can lead to good things?

It's true.

And you know what happened when I stopped being angry with myself?

I gained 3 pounds back.

It took me 2 months but at that rate we are talking 12 lbs a year and that's not really ok with me.
But heres the thing, I'm not really in that angry place anymore so I had to find something else. I searched and searched and then I went running last Saturday morning.

Somewhere in that 4 miles and through the shin pain I realized how happy I was. Not in general. Not my life is so great kind of happy. {ha! yeeeaaahhhhhhh, let me tell ya about my 'life' lately. sigh.....}

Just happy to be out running.  With Shin Pain. Happy that I could.

And that thought brought me back to the beginning.  My sister had sent out an email about running a race together and somewhere in it she said  'Because I Can'.

And suddenly it all made sense again.

*****

Today's Workout

Ran the canal road today. Ryan and his friend rode bikes along with me. 2.6 miles out and back. Shins screaming at me the whole second half. I've got to get some new shoes, it's crazzzzy to me that I have actually worn out these running shoes.

I had Barry's voice in my head the whole time, 'you don't really push yourself' which is his way of saying I don't really believe in myself. It's true. I give up too quickly. So today I only took 30 second walking breaks instead of 2 minutes.  Victory for the day!

Came home to the other 3 kids and a sleeping husband and re-established order in the house. ;) Then did this Leg Blaster workout for 25 minutes.  It's much harder with a 1 year old at your feet demanding your attention.

He's just going to have to learn that a healthy and fit mommy is a happy mommy!