“Being fearless means busting down those walls of fear and being who you are, not who someone else thinks you are. People like to put others in a box and tell them what they can and cannot do or who they can and cannot be. No one can tell you who you are and what you are made of, only you yourself know what you are made of, and only you yourself can do the work to become who you want to be.”

— Mariska Hargitay

“Challenge, change, growth. Switching gears, changing things up, moving in an different direction, that is how life should be lived and where we will find ourselves.”

July Goals

I still need to write about the Ragnar race but not tonight... I will say this, I have never spent 2 whole days in such a state of emotion.  I was not prepared for the emotional roller coaster that race would bring and it continued on into this last week.  I have been exhausted and not accomplished much since.  Hoping to pull myself out of it and start kicking some butt this week.

A lot of my goals this month involve 'going back to the basics.'

Goals for July 2011

1. Start using MyFitnessPal to count calories again.
2. No Soda
3. Cardio 6 days a week
4. Weight training 3 days a week
5. Run twice a week
6. Loose 7 pounds
7. Read 1 Book
8. Get outside more! Park, hikes, walks, work in the yard, play catch, ride bikes, go swimming...

Anyone have a least favorite body part?

My first reply to this question would be my stomach.

Growing up I always had a very flat stomach. And friends would comment on it constantly, wishing their own could be as flat. After 4 kids…it is stretched to hell. To Hell I Tell You! I used to work for a plastic surgeon who said my stretch marks are so wide (some are a full 2”) it is impossible to regain the elasticity back with that kind if skin damage. I have a lot of fat to loose there first but a tummy tuck is the only way to repair it. And as much as that bothers me, it has become less of an issue for me as my children grow older. I would do anything for my kids and if you asked me now to destroy my flat stomach for them, I wouldn’t hesitate.

So body part number 2? My calves. They are huge! I’ve never had thin legs, I’m short 5’4”, and long thin legs just aren’t in the cards for me. However I’d love to have very defined muscular legs. My calves I feel are just disproportionately large.

Today I was doing some weights with 2 friends of mine. When Julie says to me “Wow! Look at your calf muscles! That is incredible, I want calves like that!”.

I was dumbfounded. What? Me? My legs? Who are you talking to? Don’t you mean Jana? You know Jana, 5’10”-long-skinny legged-muscle toned-marathon running-Jana?

She laughed and said “no, I’ll never look like Jana, I’m not built that way, but if I could have your calves I’d take em!”

My head is still trying to process this I’ve been standing in front of the mirror flexing and posing and…

I Just Can’t See It!

I wish I could. It takes the mind so much longer to catch up to the progress our bodies are able to achieve.

But you know what? I pulled out my shorts I haven’t worn in 3 years and by damn I’m wearing them! Because someone said my calves look good and I’m choosing to believe her!

Chill!

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

—	Gail Dever

Last Night on The Mountain

I haven’t run in 10 days.  On my last run I pulled a groin/quad muscle and wanted to let it heal. 3 days turned into 10. 

Crap.

Last night we were at my Brother-In-Laws house eating enchilada’s when my Sister-In-Law called. She wanted me to go running with her. This is very unexpected. Our relationship hasn’t been the best for about 2 years. Before that, since the day I was married, we were very close. It’s one of those uncomplicated, complicated kind of things. (which makes no sense, i know) So I’m hesitant.

But I NEED to run.

She starts explaining how she wants to go run the Power Line Trail at the base of Ben Lomond Peak.  This is about 1.5 miles above our houses. Approximatly 70* straight up the freaking mountain.  I am nervous. No. I am afraid.

We decide to drive up the first mile and start from there.  I thought my heart and lungs were going to explode at the top of that first .5 mile.  From there it turns east and follows the base of the mountain which is a cove shape.  Down 100 feet, up 100 feet, down 100 feet, up 200 feet. Over and over and over again.  My legs where on fire!

We stopped at a high point to catch our breath, the GPS said 1.27 miles. It lies. We laughed at how impossible that must be. And we were off again. We are flying down the trail, jumping over rocks, dodging mud, straddling the water that had decided to make this trail it’s new path and doing our best not to fall flat on our faces.

All the while we are talking and laughing. And I have several thoughts…

1. I can run and talk at the same time.  I am freaking amazing.
2. It is so great to talk to my friend again. I have missed her.
3. Oh shit, I have to go back up this hill I am flying down.

Then suddenly we realize how dark it is getting. At 1.75 miles we turn around and do our best to Haul Ass back up the hill in the dark, thick with trees, on a mud covered mountain trail.  We didn’t make great time. Lesson learned, bring headlamp!

There was no more talking, just running and breathing and trying to see through the dark with my watering eyes.  There is a huge breathtaking mountain on my right, and to my left are twinkling city lights and the last bits of orange sun settling over a gorgeous reflective lake and behind the distant mountains.

My head is clear, so clear.

I hear the river, the wind in the trees, the sound of our feet hitting the trail, below the faint sound of children laughing on a beautiful summer night. My heavy legs and heaving chest are hardly noticeable to my conscience.

At one point I yell to Natalie to ‘Shut the Hell Up’ as she yells ‘Last Hill’ for the 5th time. And then we actually reach the top of the last hill and stop to catch our breath before the last half mile of straight down.

It is euphoric to be so high above the city at night, surrounded by trees, stars and the dark night sky. Our houses, husbands, children, jobs, and stresses are somewhere a mile below us  but right now we can’t even see the car.  I am tired but I want to stay in this moment longer.

Sometimes, a lot of times, running sucks. The hard work, heat, injury, long and short miles, time, sacrifice, and mental challenge suck. 

But then unexpectedly the payoff is huge and running Is Incredible.

Practically Indescribable.

Life began to make sense.

A Realtionship started to heal.

My heart was full .

I realized how full of frustration I have been over not being able to lose one single pound in the last 5 months. My mind was so set on this one goal, the only goal that meant anything or so I told myself. I didn’t allow myself to see all that I had accomplished. 

Look at what my body just did! 

I just ran across a mountain! A Freaking Mountain! Last year I would have barely walked that trail.

Don’t miss the Journey.

Be Patient with Yourself.

Allow yourself to Celebrate and Feel Your Victories.

My next run might suck again and that’s OK.

Next week when I am climbing 7.4 miles up a mountain in the mud and 8 hours later 4.2 miles through a small town in the dead of night and 8 hours later 3 miles in the heat of the hills outside Park City I will remember this run.  I will want to stop, I  might cry, I’ll probably hurt and I guarantee I will swear like a trucker but I will do it.

Because I Can.